Field Log: 0009
Sergeant 1st Class Riley Caine
Sierra came bursting into my room last night, convinced that something was watching her. For such a smart girl, she sure can be skittish at times. The source of her fear seems to be a unoccupied sleeping quarter at the end of the hall. She took me to investigate it once and all I found was a broken toy and a bunch of old junk.
It did give her a reason to stick around though. Once I got her settled down she fell asleep and it was… peaceful. All my life all I’ve ever felt is focused hatred and just sitting there like that, even for a little while, it was a level of calm and clarity of mind that I had all but forgotten about. For all the good intentions Sierra has though, I know deep down inside that it will never be enough.
I keep dreaming about the night that it happened; the explosion. I keep feeling my bones break and my flesh burn and the consuming pain that came after that when she found me. I remember every bullet I took for a cause that was a lie, and all the times I was used by those who were supposed to love me. Then, just when I think my mind is finally done relieving my worst memories, it starts all over again.
I’ve seen this before in men, my men, when they had something that they just couldn’t wrap their mind around. It builds and builds until it consumes you. Will Korso’s betrayal do that to me? The need for revenge already feels so oppressive that it’s pushing everything else out of me. The only thing keeping marching forward right now… is her smile.
She always smiles when she sees me… Even though I don’t deserve it.